What are you running from?

Everyone who knows me know that I am always on the go and that I have a very hard time staying in one place for too long. I can have absolutely nothing planned for the day and then all of a sudden I find myself making up things that I have to do. I enjoy being out and about…taking in the crisp smells of nature (don’t judge me)… driving while singing off key….and what’s wrong with a little retail therapy? When I am on the go, I am able to be free and don’t have to think too much about anything.

A friend asked me the other day, “Why can’t you just sit down? What is it that you are running from?” And of course my immediate response was, “I’m not running from anything” because the comment made me feel bad for being a busybody.

But I began questioning the validity of his statement when I later stumbled across a post on the ‘gram’ that read:

“Stop trying to avoid the pain. Feel it, confront it and then let it go! You will never be able to work it away, sleep it away, drink it away, or sex it away. It will never go away until you learn from it and heal from it.”

The post made me feel some type of way and had me telling myself that maybe I am running from something. But what is it? …Because if so, then I need to confront it so that I can begin the healing process.

If you were like me growing up, you talked about how you would have no worries if you ever became rich one day. But do you ever wonder why some people who seem to have everything going for themselves are not happy in their personal lives? Well, like the old saying goes, everything that glitters is not gold and sometimes people find themselves doing things to keep their mind off of their unhappiness. They overwork themselves, but all of the money in the world won’t buy them happiness. They overspend on the latest trends even though all of the clothes in the world won’t make them feel better about themselves. They engage in promiscuous activities knowing that sex is only temporary.

The truth is when I am alone with my thoughts, reality sinks in and all of the pain that I am feeling seems to come rushing in–consuming my mind all at once. Some people suffer from physical pain, and others deal with mental anguish. But what I seem to be running from is the pain that I feel when I look into the mirror and staring back at me is the cold hard truth: I am not where I want to be in life physically, spiritually or professionally. I avoid facing reality because it hurts. I shop and stay on the go to cover up the fact that I haven’t been true to myself. My truth is that sometimes I feel like a failure even though people around me feel like I have accomplished great things. I have been living up to other people’s expectations of me instead of my own. The truth is I’ve grown so content with mediocrity that anything that seems slightly challenging scares me and I stop before even get started.

Now that I have identified the source of my pain, it is time to confront it and make changes. I am making a promise to myself today to make excellence my norm! No more running from my fears or settling for being mediocre.

What are you running from in your life? Maybe you are running from happiness because you don’t feel like you deserve it. Maybe you are running from new opportunities because you are afraid of failing. Are you afraid to love again because every time you open up your heart you are left with deeply cut wounds?

If you find yourself constantly running in an attempt to avoid the pain, I am asking you to identify the issue immediately, confront it, and crush it so that you can begin to live your best life!

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Candy Liquor

I am your candy land
You are the candy licker
Spread my lips open wide,
Sip on some candy liquor.

Sweet smells so intoxicating
Every drip, drippity drop.
Keep sipping on my spirits
Top shelf, or on the rocks.

There are the kind that melt instantly
and trickle down with one touch.
Flavors explode on your tongue
So sweet you can’t get enough.

You’re “drunk in love” off my body
Proof that you’re under the influence of me.
Welcome to my candy shop
Where satisfaction is guaranteed.

Stimulate my mind and soul
Fulfill every craving.
Serve me cocktails on a silver platter,
Liquid courage…so no faking.

The world is your candy store,
filled with lots of treats.
Syrupy caramel, French vanilla,
Chocolate covered cherry sweets.

But your preferred flavor is mine
I’m the sweetest of all.
You’re addicted to me
Come taste my Candy Liquor.

Therapy is My Self Care

May is Mental Health Awareness Month and in support of those who deal with a mental health issue, or know someone who does, I am rocking this AWESOME T-shirt (designed by @StylesbyKourtney) to let you know that you are not alone in your battle.

There is a negative stigma, especially in the Black community, that is associated with the terms “mental health” and “mental illness.” We have conditioned ourselves into thinking that mental illness is supposed to look a certain way. In fact, some of us know that we are struggling with depression or anxiety at this very moment, but we have a problem with seeking help because we have convinced ourselves that counseling is for crazy people and, “I’m not crazy.”

We are very prideful people, so many of us have trouble seeking help from others period. We see it as a sign of weakness, and we think about what other people may say. Well, I am here to tell you that mental illness does not have a certain look and it is us “everyday looking people” who knows that the struggle with mental health issues are real. It takes STRENGTH to admit that you can’t do it on your own.

If you aren’t taking care of yourself both physically and mentally, there’s no way that you can effectively help others be great. We can’t pour from an empty cup and we need to stop trying to. (Read my post: When the Well Runs Dry)

Self care isn’t self-diagnosing and self-medicating. It’s not scrolling through the ‘gram comparing yourself to others. Self care is not drowning in a pool of your own tears shed from the depressing thoughts that you are afraid to admit you have.

Self-care is sprucing up your outer appearance so that you can feel better about yourself on the inside. So care is logging off of Facebook for the day to enjoy the sweet sounds of nature as you walk through the park. Self-care is seeking the help of a professional “when the rainbow is enuf.”

“Therapy is my self care.” Writing is my self-care. Reading is my self-care. Relaxing is my self-care. What is your self-care?

Thank you Kourtney for bringing awareness to such an important issue! If you are interested in purchasing this shirt or similar t-shirts in support of Mental Health Awareness Month, please visit @StylesbyKourtney on Facebook and Instagram.