Black in America: I Can’t Breathe

They say the blacker the berry,
The sweeter the juice.
But the Black experience in America
Makes that statement far from the truth.

Ain’t nothing sweet about loving a world
That resents you in return.
There’s nothing sweet about
Wondering if your son will make it back home.

I can’t sleep at night!
I toss and turn
Trying to understand why the past is still our present.
Why are we only “Free-ish”
When the souls of our ancestors
Are deeply woven into the fabric of this nation?

Their sweat has watered the sands you stand on;
Their tears helped wash away the pain
As they were beaten and families torn apart…
Our experience has not been the same!

I’ll never understand how you love our rhythm
but hate to hear our blues.
Well we’re tired of seeing our black men and women
Being slaughtered on the news!
Tired of innocent black lives
Being taken way too soon.
Tired of explaining to our children
Why you have to kill us to see that we all bleed maroon.

I can’t live!
I have to watch my back… My darkness is what you fear.
It’s because of my exterior that you’ve ruled me inferior
Remember, we didn’t ask to be here!

I can’t breathe
With America’s hate for me crushing down on my neck.
You’ll literally squeeze the breath out of my body
Because my existence to you is a threat.

Respect the badge for what?
Does that badge really have my back?
If you protect my people like you protect that flag
We wouldn’t even have to question that!

All men were created equal
We hold this to be clearly NOT true!
Blacks are disproportionately stopped, searched and brutalized.
We’ve always been second-class citizens to you.

The hate has been institutionalized, so we are still criminalized
Our only guilt: we are highly melanated!
Blackest coffee, toasted almonds dripping honey…
We are a taste that hasn’t been fully acquired yet.

An illusion of progress paints a portrait of freedom
But we’re only free inside of our own bubble.
When racial injustices pop and expose the disparities within
People get scared and try to run for cover.

I can’t breathe as my life fades to black
At the hands of those who promised to protect me.
Cries out to my mother goes ignored
Because my life to you was never worth the pleas.

So you have a right to remain silent…
Anything you say won’t erase the pain.
Let the protests begin because 400 years later
We still ain’t overcame!

Copyright © 2020 LaToya White. All Rights Reserved.

Vision 20/20

I woke up one morning
Vision more clearer than usual.
No obstructions, or sticky eye gunk
I can see as clearly as Stevie do.

Wonder what took so long
to see you weren’t worth shit?
My eyes were open wide shut
Because all the signs were there
but I still failed to see it.

I hate being blinded by love
Whatever that word means anyway…
Instead of adding value to my life
Your disruption took all the value away.

Imagine investing in someone so much
You compromise who you are.
Losing sight of all you stand for,
Just for them to fuck over your heart.

For way too long I had sight,
But I lacked clear vision.
The truth confronted me face-to-face
I just didn’t want to believe it.

You were a lying, manipulative…
King of Deceit.
Even kept a straight face
When I hit you with receipts.

I would pour into you
even when my vessel was empty.
Neglected my own needs by putting you first
just for you to in turn disrespect me.

Ate up all the lies you fed my soul…
Because my heart was hungry.
But now that reality is back in focus
I wasn’t starving… just lonely.

All you ever did was take from me…
You never did give.
Even took my kindness for granted
But that bitch Karma is real.

On the surface and to the naked eye
Your intentions appear to be pure.
But as each layer of you is exposed,
You’re about as real as faux fur.

Just as fog fills up the night sky,
Your presence clouded my judgement.
It’s crazy how niggas will look you dead in the face
And still swear they did nothing.

I would pray for perfect vision,
Now I see crystal clear.
I can see through you to the person inside of you
That you probably fear.

Too afraid to step up.
Too content to level up.
Refuse to be held accountable for your actions
Your whole thought process is fucked up.

So farewell to all the pain you caused
Come in Clarity and have a seat.
I’ve been waiting on you and you’re right on time
Truth hurts but I’m glad we get to meet.

Sis… look into the mirror
Sis please tell me what you see…
Sis reflected on all that she had lost and gained
She won by losing you,
Sis is me.

I am a phenomenal woman
Girl, wipe them tears and adjust your crown.
No more making you a priority in my life,
Or begging you to hold a girl down.

My new 2020 vision
Allows me to see straight into your heart.
Made me feel guilty for shit you’re actually guilty of
Manipulation is the devil’s art.

I thank God for opening my eyes
and exposing your soul.
Seems like you’re winning now
But it’s only a matter of time
before you reap what you sow.

Copyright © 2020 LaToya White. All Rights Reserved.

Abandoned

Abandoned…
Is how I felt growing up as a child.
Watching my single mother struggle
because I had no father around.

I would act like your absence didn’t hurt me that much
So that I didn’t make my mama feel bad.
But deep down I was torn and hated your guts…
Many nights I went to bed mad.

Angry that you gave up before even trying
I was upset for a very long time.
You were a dark shadowy figure in my imagination
Until I finally erased you out of my mind.

There are times when a girl just needs her daddy
I was not able to experience that though.
And as I write this poem, tears form in my eyes
But I will not allow them to flow.

You were man enough to make a baby,
Then was only man enough to leave.
You wasn’t man enough for responsibility.
So you were never man enough for me.

Toxic relationships filled your place in my life,
Seeking the love I never got from you.
Any man’s protection felt better than none at all,
I simply missed the father I never knew.

Thank you for not being a part of my life.
You showed me what’s it’s like to not be a man.
No amount of apologies will replace the void in my heart.
Why’d you leave? I will never understand.

But I am so glad I made it without you
Thanks to my Heavenly father above.
I am no longer depressed or confused by your absence
Because He surrounds me with His love.