Vision 20/20

I woke up one morning
Vision more clearer than usual.
No obstructions, or sticky eye gunk
I can see as clearly as Stevie do.

Wonder what took so long
to see you weren’t worth shit?
My eyes were open wide shut
Because all the signs were there
but I still failed to see it.

I hate being blinded by love
Whatever that word means anyway…
Instead of adding value to my life
Your disruption took all the value away.

Imagine investing in someone so much
You compromise who you are.
Losing sight of all you stand for,
Just for them to fuck over your heart.

For way too long I had sight,
But I lacked clear vision.
The truth confronted me face-to-face
I just didn’t want to believe it.

You were a lying, manipulative…
King of Deceit.
Even kept a straight face
When I hit you with receipts.

I would pour into you
even when my vessel was empty.
Neglected my own needs by putting you first
just for you to in turn disrespect me.

Ate up all the lies you fed my soul…
Because my heart was hungry.
But now that reality is back in focus
I wasn’t starving… just lonely.

All you ever did was take from me…
You never did give.
Even took my kindness for granted
But that bitch Karma is real.

On the surface and to the naked eye
Your intentions appear to be pure.
But as each layer of you is exposed,
You’re about as real as faux fur.

Just as fog fills up the night sky,
Your presence clouded my judgement.
It’s crazy how niggas will look you dead in the face
And still swear they did nothing.

I would pray for perfect vision,
Now I see crystal clear.
I can see through you to the person inside of you
That you probably fear.

Too afraid to step up.
Too content to level up.
Refuse to be held accountable for your actions
Your whole thought process is fucked up.

So farewell to all the pain you caused
Come in Clarity and have a seat.
I’ve been waiting on you and you’re right on time
Truth hurts but I’m glad we get to meet.

Sis… look into the mirror
Sis please tell me what you see…
Sis reflected on all that she had lost and gained
She won by losing you,
Sis is me.

I am a phenomenal woman
Girl, wipe them tears and adjust your crown.
No more making you a priority in my life,
Or begging you to hold a girl down.

My new 2020 vision
Allows me to see straight into your heart.
Made me feel guilty for shit you’re actually guilty of
Manipulation is the devil’s art.

I thank God for opening my eyes
and exposing your soul.
Seems like you’re winning now
But it’s only a matter of time
before you reap what you sow.

What are you running from?

Everyone who knows me know that I am always on the go and that I have a very hard time staying in one place for too long. I can have absolutely nothing planned for the day and then all of a sudden I find myself making up things that I have to do. I enjoy being out and about…taking in the crisp smells of nature (don’t judge me)… driving while singing off key….and what’s wrong with a little retail therapy? When I am on the go, I am able to be free and don’t have to think too much about anything.

A friend asked me the other day, “Why can’t you just sit down? What is it that you are running from?” And of course my immediate response was, “I’m not running from anything” because the comment made me feel bad for being a busybody.

But I began questioning the validity of his statement when I later stumbled across a post on the ‘gram’ that read:

“Stop trying to avoid the pain. Feel it, confront it and then let it go! You will never be able to work it away, sleep it away, drink it away, or sex it away. It will never go away until you learn from it and heal from it.”

The post made me feel some type of way and had me telling myself that maybe I am running from something. But what is it? …Because if so, then I need to confront it so that I can begin the healing process.

If you were like me growing up, you talked about how you would have no worries if you ever became rich one day. But do you ever wonder why some people who seem to have everything going for themselves are not happy in their personal lives? Well, like the old saying goes, everything that glitters is not gold and sometimes people find themselves doing things to keep their mind off of their unhappiness. They overwork themselves, but all of the money in the world won’t buy them happiness. They overspend on the latest trends even though all of the clothes in the world won’t make them feel better about themselves. They engage in promiscuous activities knowing that sex is only temporary.

The truth is when I am alone with my thoughts, reality sinks in and all of the pain that I am feeling seems to come rushing in–consuming my mind all at once. Some people suffer from physical pain, and others deal with mental anguish. But what I seem to be running from is the pain that I feel when I look into the mirror and staring back at me is the cold hard truth: I am not where I want to be in life physically, spiritually or professionally. I avoid facing reality because it hurts. I shop and stay on the go to cover up the fact that I haven’t been true to myself. My truth is that sometimes I feel like a failure even though people around me feel like I have accomplished great things. I have been living up to other people’s expectations of me instead of my own. The truth is I’ve grown so content with mediocrity that anything that seems slightly challenging scares me and I stop before even get started.

Now that I have identified the source of my pain, it is time to confront it and make changes. I am making a promise to myself today to make excellence my norm! No more running from my fears or settling for being mediocre.

What are you running from in your life? Maybe you are running from happiness because you don’t feel like you deserve it. Maybe you are running from new opportunities because you are afraid of failing. Are you afraid to love again because every time you open up your heart you are left with deeply cut wounds?

If you find yourself constantly running in an attempt to avoid the pain, I am asking you to identify the issue immediately, confront it, and crush it so that you can begin to live your best life!

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