What are you running from?

Everyone who knows me know that I am always on the go and that I have a very hard time staying in one place for too long. I can have absolutely nothing planned for the day and then all of a sudden I find myself making up things that I have to do. I enjoy being out and about…taking in the crisp smells of nature (don’t judge me)… driving while singing off key….and what’s wrong with a little retail therapy? When I am on the go, I am able to be free and don’t have to think too much about anything.

A friend asked me the other day, “Why can’t you just sit down? What is it that you are running from?” And of course my immediate response was, “I’m not running from anything” because the comment made me feel bad for being a busybody.

But I began questioning the validity of his statement when I later stumbled across a post on the ‘gram’ that read:

“Stop trying to avoid the pain. Feel it, confront it and then let it go! You will never be able to work it away, sleep it away, drink it away, or sex it away. It will never go away until you learn from it and heal from it.”

The post made me feel some type of way and had me telling myself that maybe I am running from something. But what is it? …Because if so, then I need to confront it so that I can begin the healing process.

If you were like me growing up, you talked about how you would have no worries if you ever became rich one day. But do you ever wonder why some people who seem to have everything going for themselves are not happy in their personal lives? Well, like the old saying goes, everything that glitters is not gold and sometimes people find themselves doing things to keep their mind off of their unhappiness. They overwork themselves, but all of the money in the world won’t buy them happiness. They overspend on the latest trends even though all of the clothes in the world won’t make them feel better about themselves. They engage in promiscuous activities knowing that sex is only temporary.

The truth is when I am alone with my thoughts, reality sinks in and all of the pain that I am feeling seems to come rushing in–consuming my mind all at once. Some people suffer from physical pain, and others deal with mental anguish. But what I seem to be running from is the pain that I feel when I look into the mirror and staring back at me is the cold hard truth: I am not where I want to be in life physically, spiritually or professionally. I avoid facing reality because it hurts. I shop and stay on the go to cover up the fact that I haven’t been true to myself. My truth is that sometimes I feel like a failure even though people around me feel like I have accomplished great things. I have been living up to other people’s expectations of me instead of my own. The truth is I’ve grown so content with mediocrity that anything that seems slightly challenging scares me and I stop before even get started.

Now that I have identified the source of my pain, it is time to confront it and make changes. I am making a promise to myself today to make excellence my norm! No more running from my fears or settling for being mediocre.

What are you running from in your life? Maybe you are running from happiness because you don’t feel like you deserve it. Maybe you are running from new opportunities because you are afraid of failing. Are you afraid to love again because every time you open up your heart you are left with deeply cut wounds?

If you find yourself constantly running in an attempt to avoid the pain, I am asking you to identify the issue immediately, confront it, and crush it so that you can begin to live your best life!

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Living Out Loud

“Stop holding yourself back. If you aren’t happy, make a change.”

~ MJ Harris

Today I was told that my life isn’t exciting enough to blog about. My feelings were hurt momentarily, but I quickly reminded myself of the “why” behind my new journey into the world of blogging. No, my life isn’t peaches and cream and everyday is not an exciting one. But that doesn’t mean that I have nothing to contribute to the world. I don’t think the person meant to hurt my feelings but this is an example of what I have experienced my entire life. Negativity. A nonexistent support system. Isolation.

For far too long, I have let people tear me down with their words, both directly and indirectly. Their actions have made me feel like I was less than a person at times. Some people make me feel like I am straight up invisible to them and I find myself asking, “Am I really alive?” Instead of confronting people, I’ve learn to deal with my emotions silently…keeping everything in my head. I smile at people on a daily basis who I know don’t like me, and I L.O.L. (laugh out loud) to keep from crying because I am simply misunderstood.

The goal of my Shy Girl Speaks blog is to help free up some space in my mind by sharing my thoughts with the world. Instead of keeping everything on the inside, I am choosing today to begin “Living Out Loud!” In doing so, I am also learning to be a little more confident in who I am so that I can grow into the person that I was meant to be. This blog is for ME and for those of you out there who can relate to me.